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Supporting A Friend Or Family Member

Domestic Abuse

STAY SAFE. BE PREPARED and PLAN

Information kindly provided by Compass

 

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Knowing or thinking that someone you care about is in an abusive relationship can be very hard. You may fear for their safety — and maybe for good reason. You may want to rescue them or insist they leave, but every adult must make their own decisions.

Each situation is different, and the people involved are all different too. Here are some ways to help a loved one who is being abused:

  • Be supportive. Listen to your loved one. Keep in mind that it may be very hard for them to talk about the abuse. Tell them that they are not alone and that people want to help. If they want help, ask them what you can do.
  • Offer specific help. You might say you are willing to just listen, to help them with child care, or to provide transportation, for example.
  • Don’t place shame, blame, or guilt on them. Don’t say, “You just need to leave.” Instead, say something like, “I get scared thinking about what might happen to you.” Tell them you understand that their situation is very difficult.
  • Help them make a safety plan. Safety planning might include packing important items and helping them find a “safe” word. This is a code word they can use to let you know they are in danger without an abuser knowing. It might also include agreeing on a place to meet them if they have to leave in a hurry.
  • Encourage them to talk to someone to see what their options are. Offer to help them make contact with us at COMPASS on 0330 3337444 or directly with the domestic abuse support service for their area.
  • If they decide to stay, continue to be supportive. They may decide to stay in the relationship, or they may leave and then go back. It may be hard for you to understand, but people stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. Be supportive, no matter what they decide to do.
  • Encourage them to maintain contact with friends and family. It’s important for them to see people outside of the relationship. Accept the response if they say they cannot.
  • If they decide to leave, continue to offer help. Even though the relationship may be over, the abuse may not be. They may feel sad and lonely, and rejoicing in separation is not going to help. Separation is a dangerous time in an abusive relationship, support them to continue to engage with a domestic abuse support service.
  • Let them know that you will always be there no matter what. It can be very frustrating to see a friend or loved one stay in an abusive relationship. But if you end your relationship, they have one less safe place to go in the future. You cannot force a person to leave a relationship, but you can let them know you’ll help, whatever they decide to do.

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